I Am Not That Smart

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By Meg Hossler

How many times has someone asked you if you’re in the Honors Program? Take a moment and really think about it. Do you have a number? If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been asked this question over a hundred times. Most of us have been asked questions like these since we were little. We grew up smart, and we were taught to take pride in our intelligence. I remember being the only person who could read in my preschool class, and my mom would brag to everyone that her child was so smart. I remember feeling happy that I could read better than everyone else. I also remember that, in elementary school, I would finish my work before everyone else. I would always get in trouble for talking, so my mom would send in extra worksheets for me to finish to distract me. I remember feeling proud of myself for excelling. When we were little kids, our fellow classmates didn’t seem to care that we were smarter. We were still invited to their birthday parties, and they still picked us for their kickball teams at recess. Now I’m grown up, and I wish people wouldn’t think I’m so smart. I used to take pride in my intelligence, and now I find it bringing me more misery than happiness. If you’re an Honors student, you might see where I’m coming from, if not, let me explain.

In the three years I have spent at UWF, I think the only thing my fellow classmates have actually learned about me is that I’m in the Honors Program. At first, I enjoyed people knowing that I was in Honors, but that feeling eventually faded. I learned quickly that being smart in college was not the same as being smart in grade school. Once people find  out I’m in Honors, they always have a snarky comment, like, “Wow, everything must be so easy for you since you’re so smart.” At first, I didn’t let this bother me, but, after three years of your classmates making assumptions about who you are based on one fact, it gets old. Instead of these people learning more about me, they assume that, since I’m in the Honors Program, I think of myself as better than them, and that I don’t have time for fun due to studying. All of my classmates have put me on a pedestal that I didn’t even ask them to put me on. Once other students learn that I’m in Honors, they don’t want to invite me to their birthday parties like the kids I grew up with.

Instead, my classmates treat me like I’m only a brain. They forget that I have a soul, a life, and a heart. My classmates proceed to make statements that just a brain would like to hear. Here is a list of my favorite ones- maybe you’ve heard some of them:

  • “When did you start preparing for college? When you were 3 years old?”
  • “What are you going to do over the summer? Oh, I know you’re going to do school work all summer.”
  • “I bet you make 100 on every test.”
  • And, my ultimate favorite, but I should provide some background before I state the quote. Some fellow students had asked me how I studied, so I proceeded to tell them that I start studying one week before the test. When I get to the end of the week, I realize that I remember more than I thought I knew. I thought this was a good response, and it would help them study, but I was wrong. To this they responded, “Wow, it must be so nice that everything is so easy for you.”

Now, to answer some of these questions, so people can learn that I am not just a brain. My life consists of more than just studying, and everything is not easy for me. To begin with, I didn’t even want to go to a four-year school. I wanted a way to get a degree quickly and get into the field of nursing as fast as possible. My mom’s best friend, who is a nurse, told me I had  to go to a four-year school to become a nurse. I didn’t do any other research, because I believed her. Only after starting nursing school this year did I find out that I  could have gone to a two-year school to become a registered nurse. Going to college and joining an Honors program were  not my biggest concerns after graduating high school, and I would have skipped all of it if I knew then what I know now. I am literally only in college right now because I was lied to. Second, everything is not, “so easy for me.” Being smart has never been something easy for me. Being good at anything has never been something easy for me. I have always worked harder than everyone I know to be smart and excel in what I do, and it’s quite frustrating. In both academics and sports, I have put in more effort than most to get where I am. My little sister is one of those people with natural talent. Growing up, I always worked hard for everything, and when my sister started following in my footsteps, I thought things would be difficult for her too. Instead, she was a natural softball player without even practicing while I spent countless extra hours on the field trying to master the sport. She could study the night before the test and ace it while I had to study a week in advance just to make a B. So in response to everyone who thinks everything is easy for me, it’s not. Everything is tremendously difficult for me, but I work hard to do well. I don’t only study. I actually enjoy doing other human things, like any other human. What I find most distressing about being an Honors student is that a majority of my classmates learn about my brain, and they never learn about my heart and soul. I’m almost 100% positive that if you asked any of my classmates the things I do besides school, they wouldn’t be able to tell you. My classmates haven’t taken the time to get to know me.

But if they did, they would learn that I am a concert junkie. In high school, I used to go to 3-6 concerts a month.  I would probably still attend concerts  now, but Pensacola doesn’t support that kind of lifestyle. They would learn that I suffer from a mental illness, that every day is a struggle, and that  I’ve learned to not let the sadness win. They would learn that I am a wander luster, and I take advantage of any chance to travel. They would learn that I have a jean jacket full of patches from all of places I’ve been. They would learn that I’m a big sister, and that being a big sister holds so much more importance to me than being smart does. They would learn that I am loud, weird, and outgoing, rather than the quiet, shy, person I portray in the classroom. They would learn that I have a tattoo, and that I plan on getting at least 3 more. Finally, they would see that I’m not just a brain, but that I’m a free-spirited person who does more than just stick her head in books. They would see that I have feelings. They would invite me to their birthday parties if they only knew how cool I am.

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