By Jay Ayer
Anxiety is a huge part of my life. I cannot remember a day when just sitting in a room and relaxing actually felt like I was relaxing.
I cannot make a comprehensive list of what makes me anxious because it is always something different. Each day I sit and wonder why I worry when I don’t have to, but I worry anyway.
Basically, no matter how happy I am or how well life is going for me, I feel this constant drag that keeps me from enjoying any situation. My mind is cluttered with thoughts of time constraints, how I look, how I sound, if I forgot something, or if I am constantly making terrible mistakes.
Each day of my life I am in this perpetual struggle that keeps me from being happy. I often acknowledge the fact that I am happy and joyful, but those anxiety-ridden thoughts I mentioned, as well as several others, separate me from those happy feelings.
This anxiety has affected me throughout my life, often making it so that I had panic attacks that kept me from enjoying life. These anxiety attacks have been prevalent ever since elementary school, and I have refrained from discussing them with anyone I didn’t trust with the information.
I used to have these attacks in the middle of class in elementary school and early middle school, causing me to cry and causing me to appear as overly-emotional and weird to other students and teachers.
Luckily I learned to suppress them on an outward level before high school. I cannot imagine how high school would have gone if I was the person known for having anxiety attacks.
I thought that this was a good place and time to tell people about how anxiety has affected me because I have already opened the conversation about my life on this blog. I also wanted to open a conversation with people because so many people, including myself, often joke about having anxiety, but a serious discussion of the topic is often ignored in my conversations with others.
I have learned to live with my anxiety by acknowledging that it exists and that it will always be a part of me. I know that refusing to talk about it and trying to pretend it doesn’t exist would only make it worse.
I wanted to be completely honest with these blog posts because I wanted both the get tough information, like my anxiety, off my chest and possibly show people that they are not alone in their struggles.
I cannot think of a better way to end a series of articles describing who I am than to for the first time ever to publicly admit one of my biggest secrets. I hope I that anyone reading this will soon have the confidence to present their problems to the world with the hope of bettering themselves.